the line
Dear whoever reads this thing anymore,
So far Andrea and I have been in Arkansas for two weeks or something and it's been great. I find myself enjoying how new the familiarity feels with the metro area, if that makes any sense. Andrea's loving the sun and the heat, and I'm a little uncomfortable at times, but it's familiar so I feel all cozy with it at the same time.
Just got back from Florida. Managed to keep my face from burning (don't know how that happened) but most of my back is burned, badly around my love handles (snorkeling). It was so much better than when I went as a kid. Mom didn't bear down on me for being a kid (first time I've gone to Florida as an adult, really), Harry wasn't there to push us around to have a PERFECT VACATION ALL DAY EVERY DAY, Blake's more of a teenager and a less of a kid so he's not as annoying (still talks a lot, though), and he had a really funny friend come along. Most of all, I had Andrea to experience it with me. Seeing it with her was like seeing it for the first time again. Surprisingly, one of the whitest chicks in the world didn't get terribly burned (burnt?) while she was down there. We made out and had sex and stuff in Florida, which would make any trip better.
I did this weird thing when I was around Blake and Austin (Blake's friend) where I would be all alpha male. It was uncontrollable. I wouldn't realize it until I was midway through talking down to them or correcting them about something totally unimportant. Anyone who knows me would probably laugh at the thought of being an alpha male in any situation, and I don't know what was going on.
Get this: Blake actually fucking appears to respect me. It's insane. He tells me jokes and looks at me not for laughter, but for approval. At least that's how it seems with the way he halts all sound until I laugh or say something. Then he plays songs (mostly teeny pop rock stuff) for me and then studies my face for a reaction. I've never had anyone look up to me this hardcore. If I think about it for more than 5 seconds (which is when I stop being in awe) I do my normal self-hate thing and I feel completely undeserving.
Blake's 5'10". Basically, I'm fucking pissed about that. I catch myself staring at him and wishing I was like that when I was 14. All those childhood dreams of me being 6+ feet (it became an obsession when I was 5 or 6, and never really went away) are slowly being crushed as each day leads toward my 23rd birthday. Some guys can grow until the age of 25, and my dad and his brothers didn't stop growing until they were in they're early 20s (all fairly tall), so I'm hanging on to that hope by a thread.
Sometimes I'm actually surprised when I see how idealistic I am. I forget that fact for a couple of days, then get all depressed again. I hate the cycle.
Met Nick and Samantha one night a couple weeks ago. Forgot about Nick doing that thing where he tries to exclude people with some inane inside joke thing. I don't get it and it's always annoyed me but I never actually acknowledged him doing it until that night. Still as laid back as ever, still smart and respectable. He makes it look so easy. Samantha seemed like a total drama-queen by the end of the night (but a cool one :) ) with her "oh i dont care srsly but ill keep talking about this thing i dont care about" bit. Her personality matches her music tastes, which is pretty neat. Doesn't happen all that often. They both look happy.
Man, it's so great having Andrea here. This place actually feels like home now. I was complainingg for years about how it never felt like home. Maybe I just need to be happy wherever I happen to be living.
So, yeah, things are going great here in Arkansas. Hope to meet up with N&S again, still need to call Bobby, Casey, etc. Still need to scale Pinnacle, see the Clinton library (still never been), check out a place in Hot Springs (possible gettin' hitched spot), and take Andrea to the zoo. We leave on July 23rd. That day's going to suck for me. We shouldn't stay here for so long.
Oh, and my right ear gets completely fucked on airplanes. It adjusts just fine when going up, but coming back down my ear only adjusts slightly over a long period of time (it's done long after the plane lands, and that's not really helpful). So every time I'm on a plane and it's descending, I'm going through loads of pain, starting in my right ear and shooting into my jaw, neck, and at the worst times, my head. It's extremely annoying and no amount of chewing gum, eating, drinking, or forcing myself to yawn will ease it. I wonder if the inside of my ear is shaped oddly. In the middle of it all, I'm really worried something might explode (blood vessel, ear drum, etc.) but I don't really know what goes on in one's ears when the pressure changes. Hopefully, it's not damaging every time I'm in a plane. Anywho.
Sincerely,
Ray
So far Andrea and I have been in Arkansas for two weeks or something and it's been great. I find myself enjoying how new the familiarity feels with the metro area, if that makes any sense. Andrea's loving the sun and the heat, and I'm a little uncomfortable at times, but it's familiar so I feel all cozy with it at the same time.
Just got back from Florida. Managed to keep my face from burning (don't know how that happened) but most of my back is burned, badly around my love handles (snorkeling). It was so much better than when I went as a kid. Mom didn't bear down on me for being a kid (first time I've gone to Florida as an adult, really), Harry wasn't there to push us around to have a PERFECT VACATION ALL DAY EVERY DAY, Blake's more of a teenager and a less of a kid so he's not as annoying (still talks a lot, though), and he had a really funny friend come along. Most of all, I had Andrea to experience it with me. Seeing it with her was like seeing it for the first time again. Surprisingly, one of the whitest chicks in the world didn't get terribly burned (burnt?) while she was down there. We made out and had sex and stuff in Florida, which would make any trip better.
I did this weird thing when I was around Blake and Austin (Blake's friend) where I would be all alpha male. It was uncontrollable. I wouldn't realize it until I was midway through talking down to them or correcting them about something totally unimportant. Anyone who knows me would probably laugh at the thought of being an alpha male in any situation, and I don't know what was going on.
Get this: Blake actually fucking appears to respect me. It's insane. He tells me jokes and looks at me not for laughter, but for approval. At least that's how it seems with the way he halts all sound until I laugh or say something. Then he plays songs (mostly teeny pop rock stuff) for me and then studies my face for a reaction. I've never had anyone look up to me this hardcore. If I think about it for more than 5 seconds (which is when I stop being in awe) I do my normal self-hate thing and I feel completely undeserving.
Blake's 5'10". Basically, I'm fucking pissed about that. I catch myself staring at him and wishing I was like that when I was 14. All those childhood dreams of me being 6+ feet (it became an obsession when I was 5 or 6, and never really went away) are slowly being crushed as each day leads toward my 23rd birthday. Some guys can grow until the age of 25, and my dad and his brothers didn't stop growing until they were in they're early 20s (all fairly tall), so I'm hanging on to that hope by a thread.
Sometimes I'm actually surprised when I see how idealistic I am. I forget that fact for a couple of days, then get all depressed again. I hate the cycle.
Met Nick and Samantha one night a couple weeks ago. Forgot about Nick doing that thing where he tries to exclude people with some inane inside joke thing. I don't get it and it's always annoyed me but I never actually acknowledged him doing it until that night. Still as laid back as ever, still smart and respectable. He makes it look so easy. Samantha seemed like a total drama-queen by the end of the night (but a cool one :) ) with her "oh i dont care srsly but ill keep talking about this thing i dont care about" bit. Her personality matches her music tastes, which is pretty neat. Doesn't happen all that often. They both look happy.
Man, it's so great having Andrea here. This place actually feels like home now. I was complainingg for years about how it never felt like home. Maybe I just need to be happy wherever I happen to be living.
So, yeah, things are going great here in Arkansas. Hope to meet up with N&S again, still need to call Bobby, Casey, etc. Still need to scale Pinnacle, see the Clinton library (still never been), check out a place in Hot Springs (possible gettin' hitched spot), and take Andrea to the zoo. We leave on July 23rd. That day's going to suck for me. We shouldn't stay here for so long.
Oh, and my right ear gets completely fucked on airplanes. It adjusts just fine when going up, but coming back down my ear only adjusts slightly over a long period of time (it's done long after the plane lands, and that's not really helpful). So every time I'm on a plane and it's descending, I'm going through loads of pain, starting in my right ear and shooting into my jaw, neck, and at the worst times, my head. It's extremely annoying and no amount of chewing gum, eating, drinking, or forcing myself to yawn will ease it. I wonder if the inside of my ear is shaped oddly. In the middle of it all, I'm really worried something might explode (blood vessel, ear drum, etc.) but I don't really know what goes on in one's ears when the pressure changes. Hopefully, it's not damaging every time I'm in a plane. Anywho.
Sincerely,
Ray
posted by ray at
2:33 AM
3 Comments:
Actually, it had more to do with me not wishing to reveal my feelings to a couple of complete strangers. Sorry if you overheard me talking to Nick, and sorry if I didn't bear my heart to you on the subject.
It was nice meeting you, though.
Whoops. Bare, not bear.
<:C
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